You Meet People Twice
by Too Late For Gods
Summary: [Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid - Slash] Their work is dangerous and yet Spencer isn't prepared for what he had nearly lost. But even if Derek is still alive, did he still have his heart? And if not, will he be strong enough to win it back?


**Welcome to another little CM/Moreid story by me. I'm still overwhelmed about the feedback I got for my other stories, and even after all this time I get reviews and notifications and it blows me away. Of course I was tempted to write again, not only because of you lovely people, but because of these two as well. Somehow they always get me back to sit down and write something new about them. Oh and I want to thank Blackmun16 for the help with this chapter and the possible chapters that will follow. Yes, the plot is anything but new, but I still hope I can bring something new to the idea of it. Reviews are highly appreciated as is critique.**

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Spencer's heart didn't slow down, still rabbiting in his chest while the adrenalin was rushing through his veins, and all the time there was only one thing going through his mind. _It is mine fault. _Over and over and over, like an echo he couldn't shake. _It is mine fault he got shot. _He didn't dare look up, feeling the eyes of the others on him. None of them had said a word to him, no one had dared approaching him. The reasonable explanation would have been to say they were all pretty stressed out and worried, but all Spencer could think was, _They blame me as well._

If he had acted differently, if he had kept his bulletproofed vest on, if only he had listened to the others...The list went on and on and on while his leg bobbed nervously up and down. He didn't care for the blood on his clothes or skin; it wasn't his' and if he would start think about who it belonged to, he would go crazy. Instead he focused on the ring on his finger, on what it meant. Spencer remembered the day Derek took him to this restaurant, how nervous he seemed and how he couldn't look him in the eye until he had put the little velvet box on the table and dropped the question. Spencer, who prided himself to be rational, had never been so happy in his life as in this moment as Derek had asked him if Spencer wanted to marry him. All that seemed a lifetime ago and yet not only two months had passed since then.

Now, he and the rest of the team were sitting in the waiting room in the hospital where they had took Derek. Everything had happened so quickly, but Spencer could remember everything. The young man with the gun in his hand, crying and sobbing; the dead body of his father, he had shot only moments before, lying on the floor to his feet. Spencer wasn't sure what came over him as he took his vest of, putting it down with his gun and lifted his hands to show the boy he was no threat. Maybe he got reckless, maybe he had read the signs wrong, whatever had happened Spencer had made the wrong decision. For a moment things had seemed as if they would work out, as if the boy would give up, but then he lifted the gun and pointed it on Spencer. After that Spencer couldn't say for sure if he remembered everything correctly. All he knew was Derek calling out for him, hearing movements behind him and then he saw the boy pointing the gun to someone behind Spencer. First there was only one shot, the sound of a body stumbling backwards and then tumbling down the stairs a second before more shots were fired, this time aimed on the boy. But Spencer hadn't seen how they hit him. He was already turning back and down the stairs, the feeling to know who he would find already making him shake.

"Reid?"

Startled, Spencer looked up. He hadn't heard someone approaching. Then again, he hadn't heard someone moving in the first place. Yet, Hotch was standing in front of him. "I informed Morgan's family. They will take the next available flight and will be hear as soon as possible." Fran, Sarah and Desiree. They didn't even know they were engaged and the next time they would see each other was in a hospital; Spencer was sure Derek had wanted them to know about this under different circumstances. His mind was already drifting away again as Hotch sat down next to him.

All of them had been in the hospital before; professional risk. Derek was the only one Reid had never seen in a hospital bed. To him, Derek always seemed invincible.

"It wasn't your fault."

"Why do you think I would blame myself for what had happened when I haven't said a word about it?" Spencer asked, voice higher than normal. No one had to tell him they were talking about the incident, about his decision and why Morgan had reacted the way he did. Spencer was sure, if it had been someone else Morgan would have stayed level-headed and rational.

"Because it is clearly written on your face. For this I don't have to profile you."

Spencer looked back on his ring. Right now, all Spencer wanted was waiting for any news on Derek's condition, so before Hotch could say more he got up and headed to the hallway as one of the doctors stepped in his way. It was easy to tell he had been one of the doctors taking care of Derek. All eyes turned to him, waiting for him to speak up and as he did Reid breathed a sigh of relief.

"Mr. Morgan is in his room. We extirpated the bullet from his shoulder. The blood loss was minimal and with a bit of time he will be as good as new. As for his head injury...as far as we can tell, there is none. No broken bone, no brain damage. We do have to wait until he wakes up for further tests. For now, it looks good and one of you can go see him, but only for a couple of minutes" A smile, a confident nod, and the doctor was gone again.

Everyone was breathing a sigh of relief, Penelope bursting into tears and Spencer saw JJ hugging her close. It wasn't so easy for Spencer. If he didn't see Derek in this moment, if he didn't see him breathing, he wouldn't believe a single word the doctor just had heard. No one had to tell him, he could go see him; it went without saying. Not once did he look over at Emily or Rossi, Spencer didn't even have it in him to look over at Penelope, telling her things would be fine. Not as long as he hadn't seen it for himself.

A moment later, a young nurse stepped inside, asking who would be the one seeing Derek. Spencer got up and followed the nurse to the hospital room. He could hear the blood rushing in his ears, not sure what he was about to see as the door was opened slowly. The nurse smiled as she stepped aside, telling him in a hushed voice he had five minutes. Five minutes didn't seem long enough, no matter if Derek was conscious or not, but five minutes had to do. Taking a deep breath in, Spencer stepped inside the room, greeted by the beeping sound of the machines that had been hooked on Derek's body. If it wouldn't have been for them, Spencer had thought he was only sleeping, that was before he stepped closer.

The side of his face, that was turned towards the door, showed no injury, but the other side was a different story. There was a bruise right over his brow, a little cut on his lip, but he was alive and breathing. All the time, Spencer had managed to stay strong, keeping everything to himself, but the second he saw Derek's strong chest rising and falling, seeing him breathing, all the anxiety and fear was letting go of his tense body. He didn't know when he had crossed the small distant between them, but the next thing he knew was holding Derek's hand. It was still clumsy and awkward for him to touch Derek, but he was getting better at it; Derek had told him not too long ago, and the memory made him smile.

"See? I didn't even hesitate," he whispered as his eyes teared up. After that, all he could do not to cry was pressing his lips together, watching Derek sleeping. Now he knew everything would get better, and it was only because of this knowledge he could leave Derek alone for the rest of the day and return back home, as the nurse told him it was time to leave. Everyone had been gone by then, everyone except Emily. She said no word, only smiling at him as he left the room and together they walked to the parking lot. She took him home, where he felt even more lost than before. Only weeks ago Derek had convinced Spencer to move in with him, the house he had renovated was big enough for the two of them and Derek's dog. Clooney welcomed Spencer, waiting at the door even after Spencer had closed it; he was expecting Derek to follow, but Clooney had to learn he had to wait a bit longer for Derek to come back home.

The night was restless for Spencer. After he took a shower and got changed, he threw his clothes he had worn into the bin and then started cleaning the house. He was sure Fran and her daughters would stay with him for the time they would be in town, now all he needed to know was when they arrived.

It was early in the morning as he received an email from Hotch, telling Spencer he didn't have to come in work that day or the following, but they had to talk about what had happened for the report. Spencer was aware, he couldn't stay with Derek all the time; it didn't make it any easier, though. Another thing Hotch mentioned was the arrival of Derek's family. Sarah and Fran were already in the hospital, so Spencer decided to join them although he was scared of their reaction upon seeing him.

Spencer tried his hardest to brace himself for any possible reaction, but he knew it wouldn't be easy. So after he took care of Clooney, he got into his car and drove over to the hospital. All the time, he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, picturing Fran and her daughters sitting around Derek, watching him and holding his hand. In this very moment, Spencer felt as if he had no right disturbing their moment together, giving them the space and time they needed. The need of seeing Derek, however, was too big for him to resist and so he was already across the parking lot and in the elevator, and by the time he knocked on the door he was ready for any reaction he might have to face. There was no scenario that didn't have crossed his mind as he opened the door, sensing the presence of more than two people inside. Yet, he was surprised seeing only Fran and Sarah, assuming Desiree was just getting some fresh air. It was such a trivial thought that he nearly forgot to say something, anything to let Fran know he was sorry for what had happened to her only son. By the time he did remember, Fran was already on her feet. If Spencer had expected for her to lash out at him, he was mistaken because the next thing he felt was her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

"Don't dare taking the blame for this on you, do you hear me?" she breathed against his chest, only the closeness making it possible for him to hear what she was saying. He was wondering how much she knew, but then he guessed Hotch had gave her a detailed report about what and how it had happened. Spencer wished he could as he was told, but for the past hours all he could focus on was his mistakes, his hubris to think he could make an impact on every boy they would face.

Reluctant, scared even, did he raise his arms to return the hug. Even after all the time being with Morgan, Spencer was never able shaking this shyness off. The slightest touch made him jump and even now he felt as if his body seemed to be too awkward to give Fran what she needed; support and the confidence things would be good again.

At least it showed him, he was welcome here. Even Sarah smiled at Spencer as he looked up after Fran released him from her embrace. Together, they stepped to the bed where Fran told him there were no news about Derek's condition. He could feel her eyes on him as he reached out and took Derek's hand in his own, just holding it loosely. Neither of the women asked Spencer any questions about the incident, and if they spoke it was about their plans for the future, how they had wanted to come visit them on Thanksgiving. They still held onto this plan, all of them positive about the outcome, about Derek waking up and being home again soon.

The presence of Derek's family made the time they had to wait a lot more bearable; Desiree joined them soon after Sarah and Fran had arrived. Neither Fran nor her daughter had told Spencer what had took Desiree from coming with them, but unlike them Desiree preferred staying in a hotel not far from the hospital instead of Derek and Spencer's home. Spencer didn't argue, sensing the slight anger boiling under the surface; he was sure it was only because of Fran, Desiree didn't say anything to Spencer directly. The little gestures spoke volume, when they passed each other and her eyes bored into his until he looked away; the way her jaw was set, frowning down at the body of her brother. Spencer knew enough of his job to ready the signs right and so he stayed as far away from her as possible.

Luckily, the visits of the rest of the BAU made it a lot more tolerable, giving them both time away from each other, and yet they all added their own fuel to the situation. All of them waited for Derek to wake up, so it was no wonder they wanted to know what the doctors had said. At the beginning they all agreed it would take time, but the more time passed the more tense they all got. Spencer could tell how much it was weighing Fran down, even more so as she and both, Desiree and Sarah, had to prepare for their return back home, having to go back to work.

It was a day before Fran had to leave, she and Spencer the only two left at Derek's bedside. Sarah and Desiree had taken the flight this morning, but only as the doctor had promised them to call them the moment anything would change about Derek's condition. Spencer couldn't say what made this day so weird, why it felt as if something was about to happen, but even Fran seemed to sense it. She paced up and down the room, hands clasped in front of her mouth and focusing on the floor, while Spencer sat on the chair and read another book; the second that day. When they were alone, Spencer would recite Derek's favorite novel while holding his hand; with Fran around it didn't feel appropriated.

He was just about to ask Fran, if the two of them should get a coffee as he saw something moving from the corner of his eye. At first, Spencer assumed his eyes were playing tricks on him, his hope for Derek to wake up growing bigger with each day. It would explain what he thought he had seen. But then it happened again, just a tiny movement and Spencer turned to Derek just in time to see his hand opening and closing.

"Fran!" Spencer was alarmed, book dropping to the floor and he himself was on his feet, ready to get a nurse or a doctor in case this was anything but a good sign. Then he heard a mewling sound, as if Derek was in pain and his eyelids fluttered. In this moment Spencer didn't dare looking over at Fran who stood now at the other side of the bed, both of them anxious if this was just a reaction, something like a bad dream Derek was fighting with. Spencer didn't want to miss the moment Derek would open his eyes, not noticing how he clung to the hand that had moved only seconds ago.

And then, Derek's eyes opened. Slowly, but Spencer finally could see the brown he had learned to love so much, eyes that always seemed to smile when they lay upon Spencer. He was so busy watching him waking up, he didn't notice Fran calling for a nurse who entered the room immediately. It was hard for Spencer stepping away from the bed, leaving Derek out of his side, but he knew what was necessary and Derek still seemed a bit out of it. He could see his lips opening and closing as if in an attempt to speak, but he could imagine how his throat must feel after all these days and nearly weeks of not using his voice. Still, as it seemed the nurse understood Derek's question, seeing she explained what had happened.

"You got shot, Mr. Morgan. A bullet had hit your shoulder and threw you off balance, making you fall down a large staircase where you hit your head badly." Her voice was nice, but not once did her hands stop moving, checking every monitor Derek was hooked up to. It was getting harder and harder standing back, hoping for her to be finished so Fran and Spencer could be alone with him again, but as it seemed Derek had more question. Spencer had noticed how Derek's eyes had flicked from Fran to him and back to the nurse, his lips moving and Spencer could hear the fainted words been whispered. As it seemed the question startled the nurse, making her stop and looking from Fran to Spencer just as Derek had did a moment before.

"What did he say?" Fran asked before Spencer could, who stood behind the nurse and having his arms wrapped around his body. Something was off, something was not right; Spencer could tell by the way Derek had looked at him, and as the nurse beckoned them to the side and out of the room, he had a bad idea what she was about to tell them.

"Mrs. Morgan, Dr. Reid...I'm sure the doctor had said, there was a chance for Mr. Morgan facing some complications after his awakening. We should probably wait and see what the tests are about to tell us..."

"I asked you a simple question. What did my son just said to you?"

So few words and still Spencer could tell Fran knew just as well as he did, but he was unable to speak and ask the question he was too afraid hearing the answer to. He closed his eyes, as if what the nurse was about to tell them wouldn't be true when he didn't see her saying it. Spencer could hear her opening her mouth, the breath she took in to brace herself for the possible reaction her words might cause, and then everything went blank as she said, "Mrs. Morgan, your son asked me who you are."


End file.
